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Like on one hand, I do fit within the "non men loving non men" definition of lesbian... except it still backfires on me as a non woman too. This man/non man binary is highly unrealistic when it comes to nonbinary people. There are still multigender people under the umbrella to consider who might experience male alignment to varying degrees... like as a genderfluid person, I'm sometimes a lesboy when I'm experiencing my boygirl, girlboy, or demiboy days. And even tho I still don't consider myself a man in those moments, the complexity of my gender that makes me feel completely disconnected from womanhood has made other queer people perceive me as a threat-- EVEN IF THEY'RE TRANS THEMSELVES.
I also don't really talk about this with anyone since it's so controversial, but I also lowkey identify as a polysexual lesbian since it makes more sense than NMLNM? Like when I see that definition of primarily loving women with the inclusion of many other genders but not all, idk... it just feels a lot more realistic to just accept lesbian as a bigger spectrum than that. I like other nonbinary people too, and lately I've been processing that attraction might be to the degree that it can include those who also have fuzzy relationships with male alignment too. Like I've seen nonbinary lesbians joking about "lesbian yaoi" before and I just... whole heartedly feel that? I met my first girlfriend through MySpace back in our yaoi rp days, and if it wasn't for yaoi, I would have never been able to come to terms with my attraction to girls at all.
I feel like because of this along with other things to do with my complex upbringing as a genderqueer person, I sort of feel like a gaybian to a certain extent. Like not exactly as a gay man per say, but in a much more nuanced genderfuck kind of way. I have a trans fem FWB I sent this Utena meme to:
She was like "same" and then elaborated that she still feels like a gay boy even tho she's also a trans girl too. It's little gender fuckery things like this that just makes it feel all the more gayer. In Stone Butch Blues, Leslie Feinberg explores this concept hirself through butch/butch relationships and how controversial it was even within lesbian bar culture. Many lesbians considered it to be essentially replicating gay male relationships, which was why Jess was vehemently against discovering her butch friends dating eachother. She internalized heteronormative butch/femme assimilation so much, it even led to the same homophobic micro aggressions cishet people ask: "Who's the femme in the relationship?" The answer was neither, because they're both butch lesbians who love eachother.
I have no idea how active this group even is, but I just needed some kind of safe space to openly talk about this. Lesbian separatism is truly poisonous as it fucks over every single one of us, no matter how much we dabble in those respectability politics as nonbinary lesbians ourselves.
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