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Making Friends when you have Autism (both online and IRL)

Posted by DR0M1E

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Forum: autistics Group

Literally why is making friends when you have Autism so damn hard :'( ESPECIALLY online??? i just genuinely don't know where to start. can anyone else relate?


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Reply by Matthew

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IRL is the one I struggle at but I'm not too bad making friends online. If you're on Mastodon or Twitter, look at #ActuallyAutistic and you eventually make few autistic friends online.

The easy thing for me to make friends is to try find forum, discord server, hashtag etc related to my special interests and I know it's easier said than done but you had to break the ice and talk about whatever. I hope this sort of helps


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Reply by cylviast

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yes its so hard to find topics to talk abt and hold a convo


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Reply by mewtie

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honestly the way i was able to make online friends is to try and get into a generally closed off and close community of people! my one friend was in a community and eventually invited me to join and ive gotten super close with a lot of the people there

as for irl i am not good at it but people tend to like me more when i always have a little smile on my face and just act casual and unbothered lol


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Reply by m4dscientist.

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it feels like all my interests are way too specific to hold a decent convo :((((((


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Reply by Archie

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Can definitely rel8, especially in the IRL sense. I tend to stim a lot, so I just end up coming off as weird to people around me B[

As for online, it's not nearly as bad (mostly since I don't have to work around my "weird" physical mannerisms) but it's still really hard to talk to allistic people, especially strangers. D= Though for the most part, I've had a lot of luck in fandom-oriented areas (though keeping friendships that stem from mutual interests like that can be pretty difficult in the long run)


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Reply by Angel

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I can make conversation just fine for a while, but after 10 minutes or so I get anxious and want to do something else. I feel bad for just ditching my friends in the middle of texting conversations like that, but I can't fight the impulse for too long. I still haven't texted back my latest friend because of this and now I feel bad about texting him 7 hours later. I feel like a jerk. What do I even say to him at this point? I don't think he's mad at me, but what if he gets sick of my attitude later? I don't want to lose a friend again...


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Reply by Miku momen

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Reply by kanzenhanzai

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for me online is easier; i only join places or talk to people who have interests in common and try to keep it going...irl is very hard for me because i don't know where to stop the conversation or what to talk about when the convo 'dies'


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Reply by LadyXalea

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For me, It's difficult to make friends both online and irl. I was only able to make a few friends on Patook that i still keep in contact with. I can't make new friends irl because i can't find people around my age to befriend. The only people I'm close with is my family.


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Reply by XxstargirlxX

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for me online is easier. Irl because of my autism sometimes I stutter sometimes I don't, so every time I speak I don't know if I'm going to stutter or not. And because of autsim I have a hard time forming the right words in front of people. When I'm online I can't take my time forming the right words. There's more reasons but I'm lowkey to lazy to write them.


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Reply by Toby

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making online friends is so much easier for me, most of the time I kind of shut down when someone I don't know talks to me irl and then I just make it awkward 


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Reply by juno

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IVE ALWAYS STRUGGLED MAKING FRIEND ONLINE IT JUST SEEMS SO EASY FOR OTHERS????? like i feel like everyone is keeping the secret to making friends hudden away


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Reply by Ryen

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I feel that, I struggle with talking to people online and in person because eventually it feels like I need to move on. Idk why but I can't text a person for hours, the same way that once I get bored of an irl conversation i find it hard to keep talking and want to go find something else to do. 


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Reply by zEKE

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yes!! both irl and online its so difficult to manage conversations and even start one. i always end up getting embarrassed when i say something wrong. like. its so hard to relate, especialy if im talking to someone who is neurotypical..... 


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Reply by angelbones

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I didn't really start making online friends until I started playing World of Warcraft. While not everyone who plays is super chill, I found a casual queer friendly guild and now I meet people from all over.

I found it so much easier to start talking to people when you can fall back on a common interest. So if you can find some sort of club or community for your special interests I'd start there. It can be hard to get over the initial anxiety, but eventually you'll find people who are just as weird as you


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Reply by rini

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it’s hell


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Reply by wonka!!

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for me it's only like.. slightly easier online but i sometimes get viewed as "boring" or "awkward" by other people, both online and irl


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Reply by Atlas

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I get it, people usually say that they find me a good friend once we get to know each-other but it's the initial 'meeting each-other' part that really makes it hard for me to be friends with people^^" That, and if I'm meeting someone online, I'll try and initiate contact first for a few days but after that I wait to see if they'll put the same amount of effort into getting to know me and it doesn't work out well 99% of the time :(


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